Family update December 2023

I ended this blog in my last post but now I've changed my mind and going to continue to do some personal posts here. My other blog cynthiachinlee.com/blog focuses only on my breast cancer, diet, and health.

This year we went on many domestic trips (Los Angeles, Maui, Las Vegas, DC) and I bragged that I had not gotten Covid. Well, brag no more. Peter and I got Covid on our Oct. 2023 trip to UCLA to participate in Bruins Family Weekend. Not unexpected since we loosened up and ate at the De Neve dining hall with hundreds of unmasked college students! And yes we were boosted and got the Novavax vaccine in September 2023

On my visit to hometown Washington, D.C. I got to help take care of these adorable baby twins (Cyan and Gabriel, sons of my niece Alex with husband Byron). My sister-in-law Eleanor Chin-Lee took the photo.

Lucky for me, I got to see my lovely daughter Vanessa several times in Maui, Mountain View (CA), and DC. She's now settling in at Guanajuato, Mexico (a few hours from her Guadalajara place which she plans to keep and will continuef to rent). Here's a Maui photo of Vanessa and “beloved” Romain Tete, her colleague and friend, who is traveling with her now. If you guessed he’s French, you’re correct.

I traveled to my hometown, Washington, DC, for the sad event of my uncle Kenneth Wong’s memorial. He would have been 80. On the positive side, I’m grateful to my extended family and welcome Harvey Cummings, my uncle’s BFF (best friend forever) to the family. Here’s a photo of Uncle Kenny and me in 2012.

I continue to work on the anti-cancer book with Mark Simon and Robert Hoffman. If you know any editors or agents of non-fiction books, introduce me! I have the happy news of my last cancer check up earlier this week. The radiologists can no longer find the tumor. Here's the post, My 1000-day Journey or Honey, I Shrunk the Tumor

I've moved my blog

I've moved my blog to my web site. You can find my posts here:

https://www.cynthiachinlee.com/blog

Thanks for reading!

Thoughts on being an Asian American woman writer

This is excerpted from the Women's Work as Artists and Writers blog, where you can read essays from many other women. You can buy the book "The Lemon Tree" edited by Nitza Agam with the entire essay and the works of other women writers and artists at my favorite independent bookstore in San Carlos, CA (they ship worldwide) https://shop.reachandteach.com/product/lemon-tree

1934, Baltimore, MD

 

Someone was knocking on the door. 

 

Then seven years old, Nancy was folding clean diapers for her mother, but her father grabbed her arm and shoved her into the closet. Her father warned,“Get in there and be quiet!” 

 

He then calmly proceeded to open the front door and chat with the local truant officer. The officer’s eyes narrowed as he said, “We heard you have a school-age child? She should be attending school. That’s the law.” Nancy’s father invited the officer to look around the house. Only small children were playing in the backyard, all too young to go to school.

 

While Nancy should have been going to school, she was held back so she could help take care of her younger siblings. She was not allowed to attend school until her brother, a year and a half younger, was old enough to go to school. By that time, it would be useful to have her walk with him as her parents cared about educating him, but not her.

 

Nancy was my mother, a talented visual artist and a wonderful storyteller. 

More...

A life well lived, William Chin-Lee (1923 - 2016)

Eulogy for my father, William Chin-Lee

William Chin-Lee

Dec. 3, 2016 at the Chinese Community Church, 500 I St., NW, Washington, DC.

William Chin as a baby, 1923, Washington, DC

Compared to my dad, I feel like an underachieving slouch. My friends tell me I should not feel this way. So I will put it more positively. I hope I have inherited a small fraction of my dad's talents! If you read his biography or you knew him well, you know he was an accomplished medical doctor and both a community and political leader. He was also a loving husband and father and a gentle Christian.

I'm Cynthia Chin-Lee, his youngest child, a manager at a high-tech company in California and a children's book author. My husband Peter Ching was unable to make the trip due to his health. I'd like to share some things you might know about him and how he has inspired me.

With church friends. Dad is on the far right.

Birth and Childhood

My dad was born in 1923 as William Chin with several older brothers and a sister and was then followed by many more brothers and two sisters, including Robert and Sherman Chin, Mary Lee and Elizabeth Wong, who are here today.

As a young man

My father's parents, Sing Yat Lee and Ngon Win Chin

My dad's parents Sing Yat and Ngon Win Chin immigrated to the United States in the early 1900s from Toishan county in Guangzhou province China. Though neither of his parents had much education, they were hard-working and smart and created a successful laundry in downtown DC. Along with his siblings, my dad worked in the laundry and at age 15 he had an accident when his left hand got stuck in a clamped ironing press. He got a skin graft from the skin around his stomach to his injured left hand, leaving a long horizontal scar across his stomach. To me as a child, he looked like he had a big smile on his tummy.

Education

You're in the army now

Practicing medicine in Chinatown, DC

Despite the accident, he carried on, graduating from Western High School (now Duke Ellington High School of the Arts) and was admitted to American University where he was on scholarship. For part of his scholarship, he worked in the laundry for the Athletics Dept, the same one in which participated as a football player. At American University, he rushed for a fraternity and was accepted until one brother broke the news that he couldn't be a member because he wasn't white. Later my mother told me that he met this same fraternity brother who sold suits at Sears. My dad bought a suit from him, making sure to tell the brother that he was now a physician.

When my dad was in college, World War II was in full swing and he enlisted in the Army. He spent only two years at American University because he was fast-tracked to George Washington University Medical School because of the high demand for medical doctors for the war. He graduated from Medical School in 1948, the same year that he married our mom, Nancy Wong.

William and Nancy

Mom and Dad on their wedding day

Marriage and Family

Top: Blake, Warren Christopher, William (BJ), Zach, Doug
Bottom: Dad, Vanessa, Brittany, Mom

My parents were married for over 60 years until my mom's death 3 years ago. They had a traditional marriage where he supported the family through his career and she took care of the home front. They raised 5 children:

• Bruce, a retired medical doctor, in San Diego, California. Married to Devin.
• My sister Sandra Hays, a retired admin, of Vancouver, WA. Married to Philip.
• My brother, Peter, a retired engineer, of Silver Spring, married to Eleanor.
• Our brother Warren passed away several years ago, but my sister-in-law Deede of Washington DC survives him and my nephews Warren Christopher, an Army ranger of Georgia, married to Crystal and Douglass, of DC, a localization manager, are here.

Bruce, Dad, Sandra, Mom, Warren, Cynthia (me), Peter

Mom, Cynthia (me), Peter Ching, Dad, my mother-in-law Wanda, Ron Ching

Career

My dad inspired me because he said YES to the many opportunities that came his way. He ran a thriving medical practice in DC Chinatown, a community that he loved; he helped run the family real estate business; he became medical director of the DC Police and Fire Clinic; and he was chosen the Republican candidate for Washington DC's member of Congress after quite a heated campaign, including a second run-off vote. Despite all the successes, he had his share of failures.

He lost his bid for Congress to the Democratic incumbent Walter Fauntroy. He was never able to realize his long-held dream for a Far East Development Center in Chinatown, a shopping and commercial building over the Chinatown metro stop. He also failed to revive the Diplomat National Bank, a bank created to cater to Asian American clients, when he became Chairman after a scandal that the former chairman Charles Kim was involved with South Korean interests.

Dad's campaign brochure, 1972, for non-voting delegate to Congress

For all the successes, he had disappointments, too. My dad inspired me because he was resilient. Life was not a straight shot, but it zigzagged with some successes and some setbacks. Despite the setbacks, my dad consistently said YES to the chances he was given.

Another milestone in our lives was when my father and mother changed our last name from “Chin” to “Chin-Lee” in the 1960s. This was at the request of my grandfather Sing Yat, who had come to the US with the paper name “Chin.” For those of you not familiar with immigration history, in 1882 the US Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion act, which was called one of the “most significant restrictions to free immigration in US history.” That law prohibited the immigration of Chinese laborers for 60 years. To get around that racially-motivated law, my grandfather bought the paper name of a Mr. Chin and entered the country as said Mr. Chin, later bringing over my grandmother as Mrs. Chin. They lived their lives in the US, another 6 to 8 decades as the Chins. Having been born in the US, my father was automatically a US citizen as were all of us his children. My parents legally filed papers to become Chin-Lee, preserving our paper name and our true clan name for posterity.

Top: Doug, Zach, Kailyn, Peter Chin-Lee, Alex, Blake, Brittany, William (BJ), Michelle, Peter Hays
Bottom: Warren Christopher with Kai, Logan, Dad

A Family Man

My father inspired me because he was a family man who cared a great deal for extended family. A gentle soul, he loved playing with his grandkids. He particularly loved babies and I remember how he willingly took care of both my children, Vanessa and Joshua, when they were babies, rocking them and cuddling them and giving them a bottle. He was not shy about bribing them either, often carrying lollipops in his shirt pocket.

Dad, Vanessa holding Joshua, Mom

In his last years, my sister-in-law Eleanor and my brother Peter in Silver Spring remodeled their family room as a bedroom for him. He liked to watch the squirrels outside on their deck finding the nuts that my brother Peter would leave for them.

Aunt Liz, Dad, Aunt Mary

I'd like to thank all of you for taking time out of your busy lives to remember my father. You are also invited to the other events that my brother Bruce will announce.

Before I end, I'd like to recognize my sister-in-law and brother, Eleanor and Peter especially. They have been the major caregivers for both my mother and father in these last few years. While all of my extended family have contributed to their care, Eleanor and Peter have borne the lion's share of work, scheduling his fantastic caregivers, like Irene Mandu and Namukale Simyembe; paying bills, filing their taxes, engaging with hospice and medical doctors and dentists and lawyers. Thank you, El and Peter, for your tender loving care of Mom and Dad. May we learn from the your caring example.

Finally, thanks, Dad, for the example of your life.

Cynthia (me), Dad, Vanessa

William Chin-Lee Biography

William Chin-Lee (April 22, 1923 – November 12, 2016), the son of the late Sing Yat Lee and Lee Ngon Win Chin, was born and raised in Washington, DC. He was the oldest child of his mother and had many brothers and sisters. His brothers, Victor Lee, Henry Chin, Bill Q. Hong, James Chin, Carl Chin, and Edmund Chin, passed away before him. He is survived by siblings Robert Chin (Helen Wong), Sherman Chin (Donna Matula), Mary Lee (the late Fatt M. Lee), and Elizabeth Wong (Thomas Wong).

He grew up in a neighborhood not far from the White House, swam in the Potomac and went fishing in the tidal basin. He worked in the family laundry. William attended church at the Chinese Community Church in Washington, D.C., and attended Bible study regularly.

During World War II, William studied at American University and while a sophomore in college he joined the Army. He served in the Army and was admitted to George Washington University Medical School after sophomore year in college because of the high demand for medical doctors. He graduated from George Washington University Medical School in 1948, the same year that he married the late Nancy Wong at the Church of the Epiphany. William also served in the US Air Force during the Korean War in upstate New York.

William and Nancy raised five children; William Bruce, M.D. (Devin Hom), Sandra Louise (Philip Hays), Warren Douglass (survived by Deede Chan), Peter Edward (Eleanor Lee) and Cynthia Denise (Peter Ching). With Nancy managing the domestic front, William started a successful internal medicine practice in DC Chinatown. They also loved babysitting and visiting with their 12 grandchildren: Warren Christopher (Crystal Walton); Zachary Hays, Ph.D. (Rachael Rogers); Will; Peter Hays; Blake, M.D. (Gina Nam); Douglass; Brittany (Alex Skinner); Vanessa Pan; Alexandra (Byron Ballard-Lyles); Michael; Michelle; and Joshua Ching. William was blessed by three great- grandchildren: Logan and Kai Chin-Lee and Kailyn Hays.

In addition to his private practice, William served at the DC Police and Fire Clinic for 20 years, retiring as chief medical director. He held many leadership positions in the community, including:

• President of the Chinese Benevolent Association
• President of Chi-Am Lion's Club
• President of the Lee Family Credit Union
• Federal City College Board member
• Member of the Urban League
• Executive Council of the National Chinese Welfare Council member
• Advisory Co-Chair of the Chinese Culture and Education Center
• Chairman of the YMCA Camp Lichtman Board
• Education Committee of the National Republican Heritage Groups Council member
• Trustee of the Chinese Community Church

Active in politics as well, he won the Republican nomination for non-voting delegate to Congress in 1972, but lost to the Democratic candidate.

He helped many other initiatives, including the founding of Diplomat National Bank, the Wah Luck House senior housing development, the Organization of Chinese Americans, and several other projects, including helping to manage the family real estate business, Chin, Inc., which later acquired the Best Western Downtown Hotel.

Exiting x86 at Sun Oracle

Cyndi displays the plaque

I can have my cake and eat it too since I get to stay at Oracle!

Thanks to all of my coworkers at Sun Oracle for the last 12 years! I had a wonderful send-off on Friday, Jan. 15, 2016 at a spacious conference room at the historic Oracle Santa Clara campus. Special thanks to those who organized the event: Denise O'Dell, Christopher P. Johnson, and Ralph Woodley.

I was delighted to have so many well-wishers in the room. When I heard that 1740 was reserved for the event, I told Denise that I wasn't sure we would need to have such a large room, but she said it was all reserved and "that's that." We had scrumptious mocha cake from Bon Appetit, a large and enthusiastic crowd, and even our  executive attendance! At one point, my senior VP, the humble Ali Alasti, embarrassed me by getting on his knees and pretending to beg me not to leave. (Wish someone had taken a photo of that!)

Cyndi, Kevin Wiramihardja, Mark Stanton

Ralph presented me with a special plaque that was custom engraved for my years of service. They also presented me with a blue phalaenopsis orchid with a card that said they'll be blue without me.

Cards and custom chocolates decorated with service labels

Denise Silverman from the Human Factors, User-Centered Design group gave me a customized box of chocolates, decorated with x86 service label snips! Very clever.

I remarked that I joined the Solaris group as an employee in 2003. I also had at least three or more previous stints as a contractor at Sun Microsystems as early as 1984 when the hot start-up was headquartered in Mountain View. I transferred to NSG (what did that stand for? network systems group, I think) in 2005 after the product I documented, Sun Management Center, was transferred to India.

Ralph Woodley, Cyndi, Mark McGothigan 

Fortunate for me I had met George Salem (now at Google) at a Harvard alum event and had told him that I wanted to look for a job as a program manager. He told me that Ada Chiang had some openings for program managers so I applied. But Ada took a look at my resume and saw "tech pubs" all over it and said she needed a tech pubs manager/writer and wanted me to apply as a writer with the understanding that I would most likely become the manager.

I interviewed with seven people in NSG and I recall clearly that six of the seven said thumbs up and one person said NO. I can guess who the NO came from. That person was laid off soon thereafter so I got my just desserts!?

I had many highlights over my ten years in NSG, now called x86, including two trips to the Shanghai engineering office which Ada opened. I begged her to send me and she approved after I justified my trip with many training sessions for the engineers, including leadership training from Toastmasters. So off I went in 2008 and again in 2013.

My other supportive x86 managers included Thomas Yu and Christopher P. Johnson. Chris was especially encouraging when I initiated a video and animation program. Over the years and not without plenty of ups and downs, my stellar team (Ralph Woodley and Ray Angelo, in particular) created dozens of animations and videos of technical procedures and concepts.

In addition to my work projects, I also cherish the fun and excitement of organizing the Oracle contingent to the SF Pride Parade with Sujesh Sundaram, Vincent Coville, Cathy Melior Benoit and others.

Here are groups at Santa Clara are dear to my heart (apologies as I know I've missed people):

Sue Young, Pam Parrish, Nancy Moreno, Sujesh Sundaram, Neng Xue

• Speakeasy@Sun Toastmasters Club (formerly in the Menlo Park Sun campus) with many of the members present like Cornelia Koch-Stoschek, Salomon Chavez, Neng Xue, Sujesh, Becky Xu, Sumit Jyoti
• Oracle Women's Leadership (OWL) with Nancy Moreno, Joy Lee, Sue Young, Pam Parrish, Jeewika Ranaweera, Beth Beasley. We put on some fantastic events including International Day of the Girl, Women's right to vote, mentor circles, and many more.
• Pubs and usability people: Shripad Patki, Anathea Lolen, Barb Jugo, Anne Juan, Alta Elstad, Mike Bechler, Andrea Marra, Sharon Veach, kristin Travis, Ralph Woodley, Mark McGothigan
• Engineers and managers: Paul Ryan, Prafull Singhal, Albert Lau, Tamra Smith-Wasel, Dan Benefiel, Todd Creamer, Chad Amsler, Jim Vasquez, Yi Cai, Tony Huang, Obehi Ukpebor, Ali Vahedi, Helen Liu

Thanks to all of you who came and those who sent me your wishes. I appreciate your kindness, cards, and gifts. One executive wrote to me:

I can easily say you have done far more for our x86 team and I than I have ever done for you. I appreciate all of our years together. I wish you the very very best. I know you are very smart, passionate and caring. It is a hard combination to come by. Any team would be lucky to have you.

Santa Clara campus by Ray Shr

You're invited to the movies (Nov. 2015)

I just looked at when I last posted! December of 2014. That's pretty sad.

Or maybe not. Life has been a blur with work, school, some travel, some medical challenges and some highlights, too.

I was inspired to write because there are two things coming up that I wanted to share:

Operation Marriage, the short film, will be playing at the
San Diego Asian Film Festival on Saturday, Nov. 7, at 7:35 pm.

Here's a link to the shorts program it's in:
Shorts program (Mommy Queerest)

I'll be attending and will be in the post-screening Question and Answer.

The San Francisco Peninsula Alumnae Chapter (SFPA) is hosting a screening of the internationally award winning film "I Am A Girl" on Monday, November 9th at 7pm in Menlo Park.

The San Francisco Peninsula Alumnae Chapter (SFPA) has been serving the greater San Francisco Peninsula area for over 35 years. Located in the heart of the Silicon Valley, SFPA is strategically focused on deeply impacting our communities through service, programs and partnerships.

I'll be on the post-screening panel. My Oracle co-worker, Sharonda Faison, is helping with this event and that's how I got word of it.

When: Mon, November 09, 2015 at 07:00 pm

Where: Guild Theatre, 949 El Camino. Menlo Park, CA

Cost: $10

Buy tickets: https://gathr.us/screening/13090

 

Watch the amazing trailer: www.iamagirl.com.au

See and share "Operation Marriage"

Here's a gift to you from everyone who made Operation Marriage the movie possible:

Quentin Lee, director
Alan Reade, producer
Reach and Teach, Derrick Kikuchi and Craig Wiesner, publishers
Lea Lyon, illustrator
all of our generous donors and supporters

To see the film (about 10 minutes), go to:

operationmarriagemovie.org

Click the video (and enlarge if you like). And share it with your friends, family, and enemies...we want it to go viral.

How my book, Operation Marriage, became a movie

Joshua Ching, my son, with the book

Blockbusters like Harry Potter, the Hunger Games, or classic favorites like the Lorax or the Secret Garden get to be movies. So was I surprised and delighted when Quentin Lee of Margin Films called me to see if he could make a short movie from my picture book, Operation Marriage. It started with a connection.

Howard Fong

Many years ago Howard Fong an actor, showed up at a book signing I did in the Bay area for my first book, It's Who You Know. It was one of those signings where two people show up and it’s such a relief that anyone comes at all. He’s been a friend ever since, always trying to keep me in the know with Asian Americans in media and entertainment, stuffing my mail slot and now my email inbox with articles and links. Howard knew about my book, Operation Marriage (Reach and Teach, 2011).

Some time in November 2013, he emailed me a link to a short video/public service announcement, called the Wedding Plan  about a gay man and a lesbian, who pretend to marry in order to get their parents off their back. The wise mom of the gay man confronts the pseudo-couple urging them to be themselves. I was impressed by the production values of the video, the honesty of the acting, and its authentic message. I’m not gay (though I sometimes call myself a wannabe lesbian!); I’m a straight ally. As a Chinese American and a Sinophile, I loved seeing this video set in contemporary China.

I sent the link to the Wedding Plan video to the Lambda email list, the Oracle LGBT network. For those who don’t know, I’ve worked as a technical writer or publications manager at Oracle and Sun Microsystems (acquired by Oracle) for over a decade. I thanked Howard for sharing Quentin’s video with me and didn’t think further about it.

Quentin Lee

Several weeks later, I got a call from Quentin. I remember it clearly because I was not at home in California, but in DC with my father, right after the passing of my mom. Quentin loved the book and asked me if it would be OK to make a movie of it. I was thrilled, of course, and told him I had to talk to my publisher, Reach and Teach. The owners of Reach and Teach, Craig Wiesner and Derrick Kikuchi, agreed it would be a good thing for the book and contacted Quentin.

Quentin put the book into a script and along with Brad Stocking made a few minor changes. He created a web site on the movie project operationmarriagemovie.org. Quentin recruited producer Alan Reade and they drove up to Palo Alto from Los Angeles to shoot a promotional video in my house.

Alan Reade

Since my house was being remodeled, I asked the family, the Merkle-Raymonds, on whom the book is based if we could use their house. Kathy Merkle-Raymond, daughter Alex, and I were interviewed for the promo video. I was touched by what Alex said in her interview, something like: “If everyone else’s parents were married, we wanted our parents to be married. We thought we were normal until Prop 8. That’s when some people said we weren’t normal. We just wanted our family to be accepted like everyone else.”

Quentin and Alan posted the promotional video on the web site and they set up the fundraising site. The fundraising race began. Quentin and Alan also created a Facebook page and we tweeted, emailed, and called friends, coworkers, and family.

My sister was among the first of my family and friends to call me and to donate. Some friends and family emailed me with a terse note that they were not interested in the project. Translation: they didn’t approve of marriage equality. Those folks were far and away the minority.

Thanks to the many people who donated and worked on this labor of love, the movie (a short) premiered in Los Angeles at the send of September 2014.

Want to know more about the making of the movie? See Quentin's blog about it:
http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/book-to-screen-operation-marriage/

See the Facebook page for photos of the LA premiere and the Palo Alto showing and more:
https://www.facebook.com/operationmarriage

My mother's legacy (a speech)

My mom and sister Sandy

Note: This is a speech I gave for the Speakeasy@Sun Toastmasters Club  speech contest a few months ago. It won first place at the club contest so I gave the speech for the District 4, Area F2 contest. It won first place there so I represented Area F2 at the Division F speech contest where it did not place.

Mom, Sandy, and my nephew Zach Hays

“Get in the closet.”

“I don’t want to, Ba.”

“Get in the closet now!”

When my mother was six years old, the truant officer came to her door and my grandfather ordered her to hide in the closet. Why? Because he didn’t want to have to send her to school.

My mother was allowed to go to school the following year because she could then walk her younger brother to school.

At 19, my mother graduated from high school in Washington, DC. A talented artist, she was asked to apply for a scholarship at Corcoran Gallery of Art Art School. She won a two-year scholarship and when she told her parents, my grandparents, they sighed and told her, “Nancy, we don’t want you to go to school. You stay home, work in the restaurant and help your brother go to college.”

Despite the discouragement, my mother’s art teacher urged her to take the scholarship. The art teacher, in fact, went to the Corcoran Gallery of Art and persuaded them to give my mother the second place prize of a 1-year scholarship and give the 2-year scholarship to another student. After that, my grandparents relented and allowed my mother to take the 1-year scholarship.

After art school, my mother worked for a few years as a mapmaker for the Navy and then married my father. She had five kids, stayed at home, helped my dad’s career and took care of the five of us. She used to tell me, “Cyndi, you will go to college and have a career. You will have the choices that I didn’t have.”

I was lucky; my parents paid for my university and my mother encouraged, almost demanded that I get an education and have a career. But many girls are not so lucky. In fact most girls don’t have the chance to get an education or even have a decent way of making a living. They may be pushed into having sex just to feed themselves. They may have no education, no social networks, and no access to financial services. So they marry early or are sexually harassed or abused.

We have the ability to help others around the world. But what is the best way to do that?

Invest in girls. Why? Because research shows that when you invest in girls, you get a better return on investment or ROI.

Educating girls can break cycles of poverty in just one generation. Research from the World Bank (1) shows that investing in girls so that they reach the next level of education would mean a gain of lifetime earnings equal to 54 percent of annual gross domestic product.

When you invest in a girl she will return about more of her resources to help her family and community. This phenomenon is so startling it even has a name. It’s called the Girl Effect.

When you invest in educating a girl, she will more likely control family planning. She will have fewer children, not more, and she will to take better care of her children. If you don’t help educate girls, they will have more children with the hopes that one of them may survive.

My mother passed away a few months ago so I’ve been thinking of the legacy she gave to me and the legacy I’d like to give the world.

I have both a daughter and a son. My daughter is grown and graduated from college. I have every intention to help my son to get an education as well.

But here is my call to action. When you give to others, such as a charity or a non-profit, consider giving to organizations that help girls and women.

Imagine yourself a girl, 11-years old in Afghanistan, whose parents are forcing you to leave school and get married. Or imagine yourself a 14-year old girl in Nepal who works as an indentured servant from 6 am to 9 pm at night. Then imagine someone you don’t know in another country sends money so you can go to school. Will it make a difference? You bet it will.

If we invest in the education of girls and we can make the world a better place, not just for the girls, but for the boys, the men, and the women, for all of us. Help get girls out of the closet and into school.

(1) Jad Chaaban and Wendy Cunningham, 2011, Measuring the Economic Gain of Investing in Girls The Girl Effect Dividend

Links to check out:

http://www.girleffect.org/

http://girlrising.com

In memory of Nancy Wong Chin-Lee, my mother

Namukale (caregiver), Mom (Nancy W. Chin-Lee) and Vanessa (my daughter) taking a selfie.

My mother, Nancy Wong Chin-Lee, (1928-2013) passed away on Oct. 21, 2013 at age 85. She had struggled with Alzheimer's for nearly two years. I wrote this poem in Feb. 2013 when her language diminished to 4-word phrases.

Dad and Mom

Four Words

I miss my mother.

Before the dementia, she would gush with stories, waterfalls of memories, cascading unfettered. 

Exciting stories, tragic ones, some impossible to believe…

The men she could have married,

Her mother in the old country, walking in the village with a maid to carry her books, crying for her home as she had yet another baby.

The stories of Baltimore and Harrisburg, when the truant officer knocked on the door and she was pushed into the coat closet…the ugly tales of survival, the family skeletons, the betrayals…

My mom taught me to love, to tell stories, to speak my mind.

I miss her laugh, her tears, her words, flowing, never stopping, entertaining us.

I even miss the racist remarks, the things I shuddered to hear, because that was all of her, flaws and all. 

I miss her words.

Her stories fed me, washed over me, drenched me with her life, a life I have always been part of.

But now, just four words:

“You are my daughter?”

“Thank you for coming.”

Glimmers of clarity, drops of hope, just tiny drops.

I am thirsty for her words, that former feistiness.

Now just four words.

She smiles.

My daughter asks me, “Will you be like that one day?”

I nod, “Maybe thirty years from now? I don’t know.”

She will be saying, “I miss my mother.”

Dad (William Chin-Lee) and Mom (Nancy W. Chin-Lee) 

Eulogy

I consider this day a celebration of my mother as she lived a full and long life, accomplishing so many things. She was a very strong person with strong opinions and as most of my close family knows, I sometimes clashed with her. But I am deeply thankful for everything she did for me. She has had such a deep influence on who I am.

My dad, being a wise soul, knew how to live with her: just let her have her way, at least, most of the time. She gave so generously to all around her, especially to us, her children. She helped us with our homework, cooked delicious meals, and encouraged us when we were down.

Many of you know how she flew to Taiwan when I had my car accident as a junior in college. I know how hard that must have been for her as she spoke no Mandarin and really didn’t like to travel. She was also a wonderful grandmother and I remember how she and my dad took care of Vanessa for an entire week when Vanessa was just a baby so I could have a break.

What I loved about Mom the most was her storytelling. She could make anything so funny and dramatic. We would be laughing so hard we might wet our pants and the next minute, we’d be crying a river. I hope I inherited a tiny bit of her storytelling ability. I once tried writing a novel based on her stories and I proudly gave her one of the drafts. She read it and must have been satisfied enough because I didn’t hear any criticism. One day I’ll try to revive that draft and share it with the world.

In one true story she told us her family was “adopted” by the local Presbyterian church in Harrisburg. The church ladies came and gave her and each of her brothers and sisters a gift for Christmas. But her proud dad, my grandfather, seized all the gifts and threw them out, saying his family would not take charity.

She was heartbroken to give up her toy, but then something else happened. She and Jim, her brother, sang in the children’s choir for Christmas eve. One reason she joined was to get the candy canes! She and Jim were ushered into the sanctuary, wearing their white choir robes. Then it happened. She heard angels singing: “Joy to the world, the Lord has come.” She was so transported by the music of the choir that she believed the angels had arrived and were bathing her in God’s heavenly music. Tears came streaming down her face.

When I listen to great music, I sometimes cry, too! I recall her words and nod, “Yes, there really are angels and they are singing to me, taking me through the sky and into heaven.” Now I imagine my mom as one of those angels, watching over all of us. I feel happy to know that she is still on my side and singing better than in real life (cause she sang horribly off key!).

To all of you and especially to my dad, remember I love you.

My Toastmasters Story

Note: This is the abridged text of a talk I gave at the Speakeasy@Sun Toastmasters (http://www.speakeasyatsun.org/) club open house in May 2012.

A few centuries ago, when I was in my early 20s, I joined Toastmasters (http://www.toastmasters.org/). My favorite uncle took me aside and told me that he was a Toastmaster and I might like to check it out. A year or two later, I found a Toastmasters club right at my workplace in San Francisco. Recalling my uncle’s advice, I tried it. My first impression was that the meeting was weird! It seemed extremely regulated and the members clapped a lot. Despite the weirdness, I decided to come back.

I could tell you that when you join Toastmasters, you will challenge yourself to do things you wouldn’t normally do; you will learn about what makes you tick and begin discovering what you’re passionate about; you will get lots of leadership opportunities by volunteering as an officer.

But you know what? I can’t guarantee that. I don’t know what your Toastmasters path will be. In fact you might hate Toastmasters and leave the room screaming! If you do join, you'll have the company of 270,000 other members in 13,000 clubs in from Argentina to Zimbabwe.

I’m just going to tell you about my Toastmasters story.

• I’ve learned about myself and what’s meaningful to me.
• I’ve seen some significant career growth.
• I’ve gained a community of friends.

I’ve learned about myself and what’s meaningful to me.

In the 4^th century BC Socrates said that “the unexamined life is not worth living.”

What does that mean? The unexamined life is not worth living? I think it means that it is worth the effort to look around at our lives and to seek meaning in our lives. Through joining Toastmasters, I've been given the opportunity to speak on a semi-regular basis. I have looked at what’s important to me, what gives my life meaning, what I enjoy and what I mourn. In Toastmasters, you get to speak about whatever subject you want. Toastmasters just gives you a rubric: a plan, a set of goals for your speech.

I looked back at my manuals and I’ve talked about social networking, being green (environmental), gay rights, my trip to China, my vacation in Japan, personal stories from my car accident in Taiwan, how I bounced back from my divorce, and stories I’ve written.

One thing you should know about me is that I’m a writer. I’m not only a technical writer, but I also write books. In fact, a Toastmasters speech helped launch my book-writing career. The 3^rd speech in the Competent Communication manual is “Get to the Point,” which is about organizing your speech. I chose to speak on social networking because I learned that social networking was an essential skill for me to survive as a non-engineer in a high-tech world.

After I wrote the speech, I took my notes and wrote an article for the San Jose Mercury News. After that article as published, I was invited to speak at the dinner meeting for the Silicon valley chapter of the Society for Technical Communication.

Heck, maybe I could write a book on this. I wrote a book proposal, sent it to 11 publishers and garnished all rejections or no answer at all. A few years later, through a personal contact, my book “It’s Who You Know” was published. After that book, I switched genres from self-help to children’s literature. My 7^th book, Operation Marriage, launched at Kepler’s bookstore last year.

Toastmasters has fed my literary career. And my literary career has fed my Toastmasters speeches.

I’ve seen some significant career growth.

When I was in my 20s, I was an entry-level writer with not much experience in anything. Over my career, I’ve been able to do lots of things and I believe Toastmasters has helped me through the challenges of my career:

I’ve been laid off many times and I have gone thru many job interviews! Doing Tabletopics has helped me answer questions with calm and poise. I don’t get rattled too easily.

I’ve taught college (five years part-time as an adjunct lecturer at De Anza, four years part- time at Santa Clara University). Toastmasters helped give me the confidence to try teaching.

Somewhere along the way, I became a manager. I started out as a writer at three companies, Oracle, i2 Technologies, and Sun Microsystems and I’ve been promoted three times to manager. Toastmasters helped me develop leadership skills that helped me learn to become a manager.

In 2007/2008, I had one special opportunity in my career that was directly related to Toastmasters. In 2007, my director at Sun Microsystems, started an engineering office in Shanghai. Since I have a degree in East Asian Studies and am Chinese by descent, I had a special interest in going to Shanghai and I have visited China many times before. I asked my director if she would let me go to the Shanghai office. She asked me to make a proposal on what I would do to justify the trip. So I told her I would give communication training classes to the engineering staff. Those classes were from the Toastmasters Speechcraft program. We got such great interest I ended up doing two Speechcraft programs concurrently! I solicited help from the local Shanghai Toastmasters clubs and met many members of the international Shanghai Toastmasters community.

I stayed in Shanghai for 6 weeks in a company-paid apartment and brought along my husband and son at my own expense.

I’ve gained a community of friends.

My Toastmaster friends are many. I’ve listened to my fellow members speak about their passions, what makes their lives meaningful. They’ve influenced me just as I hope I've touched them. A few weeks ago, some of my friends from my old club Tandem Toastmasters (http://tandem.toastmastersclubs.org/) called me to have lunch. I hadn’t seen some of them for over 15 years! It was like going into a time machine. We caught up with each other and shared both laughs and tears. I feel so blessed by the community of my Toastmasters friends.

What will your Toastmasters story be?